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Me Too...

There is so much to be said on this subject, and speaking from experience, simply being able to hear other people's stories can have a huge impact on healing. So, yes, just the fact that women are speaking out, will in itself help other victims. So for this post, I am simply sharing my own stories. And of course the specific point of #metoo is to shed light on the magnitude of the problem. I don't know what the solution is, but I do hope that this helps in some small way, if only to help some of my readers to feel as if they're not alone, and that healing is possible.

Have you ever been sexually harassed or assaulted? Me too...

With the phrase "grab them by the pussy" reverberating since the presidential election (unfortunately) and new and disgusting details of the Weinstein scandal surfacing by the day, it is hard to keep anxieties at bay. It's difficult to watch the news or scroll through Twitter when just the words "rape" and "molest" …

There Are Some Things You Just Can’t Accept!

by Patty Sherry, author of Share Your Love Story

You don’t have to accept anything!
“Acceptance” a buzzword for spiritual and personal growth. As I have gone on my own path of personal awareness, ACCEPTANCE is something I talk about and explore endlessly.

I have both embraced and struggled with ACCEPTANCE. I’ve felt the ease and peace of acceptance within my body, and I’ve felt the torment and crappy feelings of my non-acceptance. I’ve felt the fight and the struggle.

I notice how often the word ACCEPTANCE can equate to  a place you aspire to be or something you feel you must do. I must be accepting!  Non-acceptance therefore feeling or being wrong in a way. This is no surprise to me since what feels bad to the body can easily be seen as wrong by your mind.

I’ll hear people, especially those who have been on a spiritual path, go into self blame or actually call themselves  hypocrites because they feel they should be more accepting…but they are not in the moment.
My yoga/mediation and self proclaimed Buddhist instructor recently confirmed this as we discussed the topic of acceptance. He struggled with his lack of acceptance at times, and due to his profession he felt especially bad about this.

What are you in the moment if you are not ‘accepting”?
Usually I find that people are angry. This is especially true when you are trying to accept something outside of yourself. I have found myself slipping into this rhetoric at times about acceptance, and the minute I hear myself say the words “I should be more accepting” I have a clue.

What I realize is this: There Are Some Things We Just Can’t Accept! Is this wrong? I say No

Not accepting is not wrong, no matter how evolved, spiritual, or self aware you may be. Non-acceptance is a state of being equally as valid as acceptance. The key here is your own awareness of how you feel, and what you choose to do from here.

It’s helpful to become aware if your non acceptance is the inward or the outward kind. Inward being acceptance about your own emotions, outward being acceptance about what someone else is doing.
Outward acceptance comes with more conditions, simply because there is someone else involved. Inward acceptance is between me and me, or YOU and you.

I really believe that most people ( me included) will struggle with the term acceptance moreso with the outward kind ( relationships, work issues,world situations). Most times the crappy way you feel is due to what someone else IS or isn’t doing.

You have a hard time “accepting” it.  As long as they are doing what you might not like, and they or the situation are not about to change, acceptance simply becomes something you “should” or you “try” to do but can’t.

When your main focus is outward, you tend to ingore the inward acceptance of how you feel ( you’re angry, sad) Your main power to address your own body and emotions is ignored. As long as you ignore how you feel, (what ever that feeling may be) your sense of well being will always be dependent on someone else.
This is where you start to believe “ If I accept this then I am stuck!” or you feel a sense of defeat.

When my focus of acceptance is inward, I am facing my emotions rather than ignoring them. Many times I have felt that instant relief when I simply say out loud, “I’m mad!” “I’m sad!” My acceptance comes when I allow myself to really admit what I am feeling. This is a total inward journey, and it is empowering rather than draining for me. I can feel myself shift rather than feel stuck.

So here is the rock and a hard place when you address ACCEPTANCE  from an outer rather than inner perspective.

If I accept this person’s actions that I don’t like, I’m stuck with something in my life that I don’t want. If I can’t accept this person’s actions  or the situation I must be doing something wrong, I need to try harder, I must not be as evolved, spiritual, or aware as I thought….

I’ve been in this place around the topic of acceptance. I can see how the essence of the word acceptance can be misused. This is why I want to bring validity to the polarity of acceptance…which is non-acceptance, to let go of any guilty beliefs that non-acceptance is wrong or bad. It simply IS.

ACCEPTANCE is not the be all and end all place to be at all times. It’s no different than aspiring to be happy all the time. Sure happiness feels wonderful, but let’s face it, sometimes I’m angry, sad, or a whole host of other emotions that might not feel good.

Non-acceptance is a valuable tool too, just like acceptance is. Both are a state of being in any moment…you are either accepting or not accepting. Come to see one is not better than the other.
You are where you are. Feel how freeing this is…”You don’t have to accept anything!”

The key is how does your body feel, and what do you choose for yourself from here. Life is about CHOICE and preferences. It’s about how you feel in any moment. Do you want to survive or feel truly alive?

I’m choosing what makes me feel alive these days. I know what I prefer in my life, and my choices of people and situations I surround myself with are reflecting this. If my choices are not bringing me a feeling of love, joy, satisfaction, ease, pleasure, meaning, what the hell is the point?

If my choices continue to perpetuate anger, sadness, dissatisfaction, difficulty, pain, lack of meaning, in my life. I’d better re-examine the choices I’m making then.
All this takes is a willingness on my part to honestly check in with myself.

Comments

  1. I think non-acceptance of something is just where we are at the time. Like acceptance, it is neither good nor bad. It just is. Both help us to grow. Great subject. Thanks for writing about this.

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  2. I've been dealing with a lot of outward acceptance issues in the last year...

    Well said, Christina!

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  3. Oh, it was all Patty! I've dealt with it too, and I think she wrote about it with so much insight.

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  4. Very interesting article, a lot of wisdom.

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