When Did Pleasing Your Man Become a Bad Thing?
Now get your mind out of the gutter, because I'm not talking about that kind of pleasing, however what I'm about to say could and should be applied to that part of a relationship as well. Although the kind of pleasing I'm talking about also involves food, fashion, makeup, and any other ways in which we ladies can appeal to men. Now hang on, don't get all burn-your-bras on me. I do mention on my blog quite often how I think it's important to figure out what makes you happy, what makes you feel beautiful, and to not do things just because you think it's what will attract a man. Besides, you want to attract a man who likes you for you, right?
But let's say you're already in a relationship or kind of sort of dating someone. Why wouldn't you want to do things you know he likes? I spend time (probably way too much) on Facebook threads to research what people really think about topics I'm thinking about covering on my blog. Today I came across some comments that really rubbed me the wrong way. It was on a light-hearted post about men's opinions of certain fashion trends. There were so many angry comments, which I totally expected, because I've seen this reaction so many times. Even on a simple style guide for date night, readers make comments like "If he didn't pay for my outfit, he has no input on what I'm wearing!" I am no traditionalist by any means, but I think this way of thinking has gone way too far.
In the movement for female empowerment, we've become way too defensive. In trying so hard to make sure we get what we deserve, we've turned men into the enemy.
I knew a woman several years back who complained on several occasions that her husband wanted her to learn how to make a particular dessert that his mother made. She said it was complicated, and she didn't want to make it. End of story. From what I understood, he was in no way rude or demanding about it, so I was taken aback by her attitude. Maybe it's the people pleaser or over achiever in me, but I like to know exactly what people like so I can do a good job. And if I'm with someone who cares about me and makes me happy, you can bet I'm going to wear his favorite color, cook his favorite dishes, and do any number of things if I know they are things he particularly likes.
Pleasing a man isn't a bad thing. And refusing to do something just because you know it's what someone else wants is not empowering. It's rebellious, it's selfish, and it's just plain unloving.
This bad attitude towards men often carries over into sex advice. I can't tell you how many angry-reader comments I've seen like "Why should I look sexy for him? It's my body!" Um, perhaps because men are visual, and the female body is sexy. It's important to figure out what makes you feel sexy of course, but the way I see it is if you are with someone completely, your body is a gift to them. Shouldn't they be able to enjoy it? Of course that should only include ways in which both people feel comfortable.
In relationships it largely depends on the other person's attitude as well as your own. If your partner isn't demanding and genuinely cares about how you feel, it's so much easier to be generous. But everyone is human, and no one can give 100% all of the time. You have to have some wiggle room on both sides. The moment you start keeping score over what someone does or doesn't deserve from you, you go straight from unconditional love and selfless love to a relationship in which everyone is looking out for themselves. I talk a lot about loving yourself and making yourself happy, but that is not to be altogether replaced by the kind of love in which you really can depend on someone else to meet your needs and bring some extra happiness to your life. If you find that, for goodness sake, put on something sexy and cook a delicious dinner! Or do whatever it is you know your partner will appreciate. Image via.
I'd love to hear what you think ( unless it's angry and bitter of course ). Leave me a comment below!
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